The Upper Hand: Awarded for juggling three bags of groceries, a large purse, a cell phone and mail while successfully unlocking the front door without dropping anything. Bonus points if the grocery bag contains eggs or you are also holding a baby.

The Slim Chance: Awarded to any woman who can wear a size eight after age 40.

The This Too Shall Pass: For handing the communion tray to the person sitting next to you without bitterness that you’re not allowed to stand at the end of the row and receive it.

The Sick and Tired: For keeping one’s mouth shut when, after you’ve spent years of your life pregnant and endured the subsequent excruciating deliveries, your husband a) whimpers like a toddler from a splinter; b) takes to his bed for three days during his annual cold and demands 24 hour bedside service; c) refuses to consider a vasectomy because of his fear of medical procedures.

The Don’t Cramp My Style: For attending two business meetings, accomplishing four things off the to-do list, swinging by the grocery store, and attending a ballet recital/T-ball game/soccer practice while wearing heels instead of curling up under the covers with cramps like you want to.

The Clothes Call: One badge awarded for each shopping trip with a daughter age 8-18 in which you successfully prevent purchases of halter tops, low-rise pants, short-shorts, and anything designed to show one’s navel. Award is not invalidated by daughter’s tears or public outbursts proclaiming her hatred of you.

The Grace Note: For smiling and nodding when, after the meeting you helped lead, one of the male participants asks you to Xerox his notes.

The Big Event: Automatically awarded upon completion of your 20^th ladies banquet, tea or retreat involving hats, finger sandwiches, scrapbooking, and/or “spa” manicures.

The Shear Magic: For blowdrying your hair into a style remotely resembling anything you left the salon with after your last cut.

The Wonder Woman: For somehow summoning the superhuman strength not to say, “No, PMS isn’t the problem. You’re just especially annoying today.”

Filed under: fun, life, men and women Tagged: chauvinism, marriage, motherhood, women

Originally posted in 2007, this may still be my favorite video on this blog. Well, this or John Daker.

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Just in time for Monday morning, here’s a video to help you start a new and exciting ministry at your church.

You’re welcome.

Filed under: fun Tagged: clown, clown ministry, john daker

I’m a firm believer that it’s unfair to criticize something if you’re not willing to be part of the solution.

For instance, last Sunday the person clicking through the song lyrics and scriptures during the morning service at my church was either high, unable to read, a high schooler, or all three. Sometimes the words never appeared. Sometimes they appeared late. Sometimes we were treated to the chorus during the verses. Eventually I just sang with my eyes closed, which had the double advantage of keeping me sane AND making me seem super spiritual.

To be fair, this rarely happens, and I found out later it’s because the team recently switched systems and is still working out the bugs. But that’s my point—I found that out because I made a beeline to one of our staff people after the service and offered to help.

So, a few weeks ago I wrote a post questioning the NACC’s current mission and calling for “an overhaul of messaging methods and branding.” I can’t fix the mission part, but I already spend hours creating blogs, email updates and social media for other organizations. When Ben Cachiaras, this year’s president, asked me to do the same thing for the NACC I was more than willing.

The 2010 convention has a really strong program, but not enough people know about it. A few months of me sending emails won’t reach everyone or convince everyone, but it’s a good start at spreading the word and, yes, being constructive instead of just constructively critical. (Full disclosure: I am being paid a little bit.)

So over the next week I’ll be developing a weekly eblast that will not only promote the convention but will link to resources: articles, blogs, and videos by the 2010 main speakers and workshop presenters. We’ll also be sharing some of this info via Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. I may organize a blog tour in April.

I’m willing to help, but we need you, too. Join our Facebook page and invite your friends. Follow us on Twitter and retweet our stuff. Subscribe to the YouTube page and pass along a video you find interesting. Leave your blog URL in the comments if you’d be willing to write something about the convention on your blog this spring (I’ll even send you sample copy!). And email me (jen@seejenwrite.com) if you want to be added to the weekly email list.

The NACC still needs to address some bigger issues, in my opinion, but I’m willing to help this much, this year. Are you?

Filed under: opinions, resources, RM Tagged: Ben Cachiaras, nacc, North American Christian Convention

This is long. Skim if you want. But it’s an important issue to talk about, and I’d love your feedback in the comments.

This video by Christian comedian Tim Hawkins pokes fun at the homeschooling stereotypes—some, I’ll admit, that I share.

But while I have my own opinions, I don’t have my own kids, so I decided it was fair to hear from those who do.

I talked to four families, two who homeschool and two who don’t. Here’s a summary:


Pro
Although one of the generalizations often made about homeschooled kids is their lack of social adeptness, Byron Davis lists “socialization” as one of the top reasons he and his wife are teaching their son at home.

“My son, who’s 8, interacts with other kids every day, kids of different ages as well as adults,” he says. “We find he’s more comfortable working with older people than other kids his age are.”

Chris Smith agrees that his two first-graders receive plenty of interaction with other kids in the homeschool co-op he and his wife help lead at Englewood Christian Church. Several adults share teaching duties for the ten students ranging from 1st-6th grade.

“I don’t think the socialization objection is valid,” he says. “If people are teaching just their one or two children, just at their home, it may be more of an issue. A co-op is different, and most of the kids are also involved in other activities outside our school, like sports and art programs.”

Chris points out that he and his wife also intentionally engage with the families and kids in their urban neighborhood; this environment leads to the social growth of their children but has poor-quality schools that, in part, influenced their decision to homeschool.


Another common stereotype is homeschooled kids are isolated and sheltered from the world—and their parents want it that way because of the evil forces permeating our public schools.

Chris acknowledges this attitude does drive some parents. “Some of the homeschool agenda is driven from fear of what’s ‘out there,’” he says.

“But the bottom line is if we are in Christ, there is nothing to fear. That shouldn’t be the reason Christian parents choose to homeschool.”

Byron agrees. “We wanted to help our son develop a biblical worldview that is not afraid or sheltered from differing opinions, but is comfortable in thinking differently.”

Byron also says homeschooling can actually avoid this isolation from the “real world” because of its inherent flexibility for excursions out into that world. His son currently takes courses from college professors, studies music with a graduate student, learns about art from a professional artist and practices his Spanish with a native speaker.


That sounds WAY more fun than my school experience.

I love to learn and read but I hated school: every movement dictated by a bell or the precious hall pass, the EARLY mornings, the worksheets. Some of the homeschool critics point out this routine is preparation for the world of work, which is true but sad (and probably a major reason why I now work for myself, at home. Hmmm.)


Anyway, Byron and Chris believe homeschooling allows for better formation—both intellectual and spiritual.

“I think it instills a love for learning and supports creativity,” says Byron. “It also reinforces the value of lateral thinking, not just the linear sequential thinking so often taught. And I see homeschooling as an integral part of discipling my son. I love leveraging teachable moments.”

Chris focused on an even broader perspective.

“We think a lot of the educational process is formation into consumerism or nationalism,” he says. “We want our kids to be formed primarily by the church and the authentic community we find there.”


Not so pro
I label it this, instead of “con,” because most of these folks were fairly supportive of homeschooling done well.

But “done well” is huge.

“The homeschooling group in our church had strong leaders,” says Maribeth Pippenger, who worked as a teacher in the public schools for many years. “When parents decided to homeschool, one woman—who successfully taught all six of her own kids—would really challenge them to consider the huge time commitment and the work required. Not every parent is homeschool material, and that’s okay.”


Another friend, who requested anonymity “because I like being friends with my in-laws” chooses not to homeschool his four kids and questions not the subject matter homeschooling might teach, but the work ethic and attitude.

“I don’t always like work, but I still have to go,” he says. “I learned early on that sometimes you have to do things you don’t feel like doing. I’m not saying all homeschooling parents operate this way, but you’re not doing a kid any favors if he doesn’t learn self-discipline.”

Maribeth is even more direct. “Often these kids buckle under deadlines and competition,” she says. “They’re not used to either one.”


Both interviewees also mentioned the fear issue. Although both Maribeth and her husband Milt, who served as a school superintendent, tried to build relationships with the homeschooling families in their community, some parents did perpetuate the stereotype of isolation in response to a public school “agenda.”

“Some homeschoolers at our church looked at public schools as the enemy, and some families wouldn’t speak to me or Milt because we fraternized with the enemy,” Maribeth says. “We always approached our work as a mission field. Do not shoot the soldiers who are down in the trenches trying to be part of the solution!”

“No matter where kids go to school, eventually they are going to be exposed to other ideas and lifestyles,” says my anonymous friend. “My kids aren’t going to live at my house forever. I’d rather have them learn these things while I still have the influence as a parent to help them process their thoughts and choose Christian responses.”

“And I always liked having Christian kids in my classroom,” Maribeth says. “I wasn’t allowed to talk about my faith, but I taught art, much of which uses the Bible as subject matter. It was great to ask the class if they understood a piece and hear one of the kids share the whole biblical story.”


They also point out the public schools just do some things better. “I always told homeschoolers, ‘you are tax payers and you are entitled to bring your kids to school for anything you can’t do at home,’” says Milt. “Often they took advantage of higher level math classes, instrumental music or driver’s ed.”

“And there will always be public schools to help with therapy and learning enrichment for special needs children,” Maribeth says. “Now that we have a grandson of our own who needs that extra help, we are so grateful it’s there.”


My opinion
So after all this input from parents and educators, you really just want to know what the childless freelance writer thinks, right??

I think it depends on the specific parent and specific child.

I think parents must honestly evaluate their own ability to plan and present lessons, week after week after week. I think parents must honestly consider the personality and learning style of their child.

I think the decision must be made as an intentional part of a larger value system, as Bryon and Chris demonstrate, not as a reaction to perceived “evil” in the public schools.

I think parents who homeschool must not believe this one choice will protect their children from other influences.

I think parents on both sides of the issue should attempt to understand and even help each other.

I think both should involve their kids in a good youth group at church and other non-academic activities.

And I think that, while I may have benefited from kindergarten and first grade at home, my mom and I would have killed each other (love you, mom). Instead I went to public school, excelled academically, participated in extracurriculars, dated, and went to a top-rated college where I kept my faith. In other words, turned out just fine. And last year I stopped asking for a hall pass to visit the bathroom.

Filed under: opinions, people, resources Tagged: Englewood Christian Church, englewood review of books, homeschooling, learning styles, parenting, public school, tim hawkins

This post resonated with a lot of people—several left comments on my Facebook page, a few mentioned it to me in person, and others commented on the original post. Apparently many of you can relate to my desire for formulas and “fairness” in relating to God. Or perhaps you share my super healthy and productive spiritual gift for comparing myself to other people.

Maybe we can negotiate a group rate for therapy. In the meantime, share your thoughts in the comments (or wherever brings you joy). I wonder if there’s a Facebook fan page for the elder brother…….?

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Dear Dr. Keller,
Thank you so much for speaking at Christ Presbyterian last week. I love that you still make time for the handful of churches that helped plant Redeemer 20 years ago. Thanks for traveling so far, and on such a brutal travel day, when Nashville received a whole 1/8″ of snow—almost enough to cover the grass. Sheer bravery, sir.

It seemed everyone was reading your latest book during Christmas, and I enjoyed the opportunity to hear your own summary of its message and the application to church life. Your description of healing spiritual communities and our responsibility to them as family members should be required listening for every Christian, both leader and layman, and if you ever release it as an MP3 I’m forwarding the link to everyone I know.


But I’m not as eager to share the first half of your lecture, because it taps directly into the most personal spiritual questions I wrestle with. For those reading this blog who weren’t there and aren’t you (that would be just about everyone), the first half of Wednesday night’s talk revisited the parable of the prodigal son and showed how both the prodigal and his older brother are guilty of disobeying the Father—one through promiscuity and rebellion, the other through self-righteous moralism. They both want the Father’s gifts instead of relationship with the Father, and although the elder brother expresses that desire in more culturally and religiously acceptable ways—obedience, duty, judgmentalism—both are lost. Both want to be their own master and savior, and the only solution for them and for us all is Jesus and his willingness to bring each of us back to the family at his own expense.

As you spoke, I could almost see light bulbs snapping on above people’s heads. Most of us have heard this parable dozens of times and think we understand our role as the prodigal and God’s role as the Father rushing to extend grace. I’m sure your brilliant exposition of the story caused many in that audience to realize for the first time their identification with the older brother and their own tendency to choose rules instead of relationship.


But here’s the thing: I get than I’m an elder brother.

Whether it’s this parable or the one in Matthew 20, I always identify with the long-suffering character who feels cheated. Like the prodigal’s brother or the early morning vineyard workers, I show up and do my job and fulfill expectations. I work hard and remain loyal and try to be obedient. I do stuff I don’t want to do and give money I don’t want to give. I demonstrate character when it would be easier and more fun to throw a screaming fit. I try to take the high road although traffic is light.

However, I don’t feel cheated because the prodigals receive grace and blessing just like me. I feel cheated—no, I believe confused, frustrated, and furious would be more appropriate—because they often receive way more blessings, the blessings I want, the blessings I deserve not because I am a righteous person but because God promised them.

Both the elder brother and I may be too rules-focused, but neither one of us set up the rules—the Father did. He promises to fulfill our hearts if we delight in him (Psalm 37). He promises to make our paths straight if we acknowledge and follow him (Proverbs 3). My heart is less than fulfilled and my paths are more crooked than Bernie Madoff. So either He changed the game or He wants the rules to remain unclear—is it really that terrible to feel betrayed?

I’m continuing to obey despite my limited understanding. But I do wish the parable had a third sibling—the sister who doesn’t want to control the Father, she just wants to understand His actions once in a while……even if it’s as infrequent as Nashville getting a real snow.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Filed under: God, people, resources Tagged: New York, Presbyterian, Prodigal God, prodigal son, Redeemer, Tim Keller